You come at people with an open mind and yet you never fail to get them wrong. You get them wrong while your with them, or you tell someone about them and get them wrong again.
That’s how we know we’re alive. We are wrong. ~ Philip Roth, American Pastoral
You know the situation. This person is an acquaintance, not in the category of friend. You seem to have the same life cycle where you meet at the coffee shop at the same time every day. Or maybe it’s the gym. You’ve spoken a couple times while standing in line. Maybe you’ve shared a few laughs when someone farted in line. Maybe it was you that farted? So, you chuckled and made that quick connection, but that’s as far as you intend this relationship to go.
There’s something about this person that tells you to keep him/her at arms length, but you keep meeting day after day after day. It was fun at first, but now it’s becoming uncomfortable. You have zero to say to this person. Zero you want to say. You think about changing your timing just to avoid this person. This person you don’t know anything about and you’d like to keep it that way.
So, you’re walking to the coffee shop and that person is walking out. Now comes The-Intentional-Accidental-Look-Away. All of a sudden there’s something in your purse or wallet you suddenly need. You begin digging in your purse or pants wallet as you walk, but you’re not really looking for anything. You’re acting as if there’s something you need, but you’re really avoiding eye contact with that person as you pass each other. Or maybe you suddenly turn around because there’s something you’ve forgotten in your car. There’s nothing you’ve forgotten. It’s just a ploy to avoid doing the same fake smile hi you’ve been doing daily for weeks, months. You’re sick of it! Sick of seeing and doing this ritual with this person every god damn day.
Then you realize it’s not the person that’s the problem. It’s the rut you’re in and this person reminds you that you’re stuck in a deep rut. And maybe they are too. Time to change.
So, you scope out a new coffee shop and begin the exact same rut somewhere else.
Maybe you move to a new city, state, or country…..and begin digging the exact same rut. You think, ‘I thought I threw this fucking shovel away?’, but you didn’t.
Then you realize the rut is in your head and there’s no escaping it.
I want to know if I’ve ever had an original thought and idea. This very thought I’m typing right now is not mine. I read it in some book, Osho comes to mind. I must have gotten it from him. He states that all thinking pertains to the past. Every single thought I’ve ever had or will have is based in the past. Every thought I’ve had about the future is a conglomerate of pieces of the past put together in such a way as to form a future event.
Example: Tomorrow I will plant a bush.
I have a picture in my head of the bush I will plant, which I found a week ago in a magazine or online. I’ve read about planting this bush and where it will do well and get the sun it needs. Partial shade, base of manure, and so many inches deep in the earth which I read instructions in a book I bought years ago. I’ve also had experiences in planting bushes many years ago. And my idea of tomorrow is based on the many tomorrows I’ve already experienced. Plus, an hour ago I looked at the weather forecast. Every single thing about the sentence ‘Tomorrow I will plant a bush‘ comes from the past.
All the instructions and teachings of the gurus tell us to Live In The Present Moment!!
But all our thinking is about the past. This makes life confusing for me!!
Osho also said that it’s impossible to be anywhere other than in the present moment. I’m in the present moment, thinking about the past. I guess that’s why ‘they’ tell us to let go of our thinking, but that is nearly an impossible task. Even so called enlightened masters think and are slaves to the past.
So, my one and only original thought is….drum roll….Ahhh..Ahhhhh…Chooooo!
Hmm..?? Crazy life. Speaking of which, I need to get one.
Well, I’ve not graduated from a certified college. Not Harvard, MIT, USC, CalTech or even Cape Cod Community College.
However, I have watched some YouTube videos on various topics ranging from Jerry Seinfeld; comedy, Allan Watts; philosophy, Bill Stoppard; inline skating, Ardra Neala; ASMR, Byron Katie; life techniques, Sean Carroll; physicist, Sam Harris; self acclaimed smart guy and MORE. I mean…LOTS MORE. There was one especially informative video on “How To Change A License Plate Light Bulb”, which left me speechless with it’s degree of accuracy and information. I was able to change my own LPLB in 15 minutes flat. No lie! And lets not forget probably THE best video to watch and which will change your life in ways you can’t even imagine. You’ll be scratching your head and pondering this video for years. You’re mother will be completely angered at having wasted so many hours of her life fumbling and struggling. How To Fold A Fitted Sheet. Amazing and profound.
I know there are people out there who have logged many more hours of YouTube schooling than I have, but I think my unique and diverse sampling qualifies me to be an expert on…everything. You name it, I know it. And if I don’t know it I will be like Neo in the Matrix. I’ll plug my head into the YouTube Matrix and learn Jujitsu or Kung Fu or whatever you need to make your life easier, safer, more profitable.
I will do this for you so you don’t have to! You can go and live your life and I will send you the information you need. Once again, using the movie The Matrix for an analogy, I’ll be like Tank, the Operator. Tell me what you need. I’m on it.
Of course this service has a small monetary value. I charge $9.99 for the first information download and $7.98 for all future information downloads. (a $2.00 administration fee to get you plugged into the system) I have package plans we can discuss such as the monthly unlimited plan for only $49.99. All the information you need, when you need it and downloaded to your device within 12 hours or its free. And of course our satisfaction guarantee or your money back.
If I fail you for any reason at all, I will send you my computer and your money back. Matter of fact, I’ll send you all my money too! I’ll close up shop here, put on my shoes and walk off into the world….you know….out there….where the air is….and dirt….rocks….shit to trip over and fall on. Some even call it, The Real World. Haha..must be a joke.
I have the answers YOU NEED!! Don’t hesitate. Operators (Tank) are standing by!
I had a dream.
That sentence sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before? “I had a dream”, no..I think it’s “I have a dream” I guess that was a famous speech by Martin Luther King. No relation to Stephen King, I don’t think. If I have a dream it means the dream is ongoing or being projected into the future. I’m attempting to experience it now, maybe even control the outcome of the future dream. When I say, I had a dream, I guess that means the dream is finished and all that’s left is for me to remember it. Swap the word ‘had’ to ‘have’. Whateverrrrr. Get on with it, will ya.
(Point of interest about the fingers typing this and the brain supposedly moving the fingers. I’m on two different hormones for medical reasons, which are beginning to cloud the judgement of the brain moving the fingers. No telling what will come forth here. Exciting, eh? Might be wise for you to keep moving on to the next posted blog. Be forewarned.)
I was attempting to dock a sailboat. There were many people on the sailboat, but I don’t think they were helping me dock the boat. They were simply meandering about this small boat and mostly getting in each others way. I finally get it tied to the dock and the people get off the boat onto the dock. The water is calm enough, but the sky is dark and filled with gloomy clouds.
The tide goes out or the nature of the water has changed from being an ocean to being pockets or pools of deep water. There are dangerous animals roaming about the pockets of water. Lions, Tigers, Bears…oh my! Lions and tigers and bears…oh my. Lions and tigers and bears….OH MY.
I find a deep diving suit, which I’m trying to put on. It doesn’t quite fit me and I’m afraid it will leak when I jump into the water. The water is very deep, have I said that already? I struggle with the diving suit and the animals roaming close do not even bother me. They’re there and I get the feeling they might attack me, but I don’t care. I go about the business of putting this diving suit on.
I wake up when I realize the diving suit just will not fit. I’m more worried about the diving suit not fitting than the wild animals baring down on me!! Say..what?
Dreams…just can’t figure’em.
I guess I had a dream…or am I still in the dream trying to figure out the meaning of this dream I’m still having. Then I realize there is no meaning to the dream.
I’m looking forward to waking up from the Dream-that-must-not-be-named and getting on with whatever dream is happening these days. Something to do with Trump, I think?
Well…501 words. I’ve really out done myself. Now, where is my damn diving suit.
Where is this world going? Round and round a big ball of flames we call ‘the sun’. Round and round the galaxy and expanding ever faster. All the spiritual junkies tell us that we are here for expansion and growing and learning. The universes job is to expand. I’m not convinced the universe actually has a job or even is aware that it’s expanding. It just is. And we just are. Perhaps that’s true or perhaps we unconsciously feel our little world expanding whether we like it or not, so we have to create a story so it fits in our ever expanding brains. The universe is expanding? I mean…I don’t actually feel this phenomena. If I sit very still….nope. Don’t feel it. I sit still again to see how much I’ve grown and learned…..nope. Don’t think so.
But maybe on some level I’m not aware of…some dimension….some subatomic….in the realm of plank lengths…electrons….up and down quarks this “I” is being pulled apart along with the universe I happen to inhabit?
I have no idea. I’m simply typing some shit here for the sake of typing some shit. Mostly I have my eyes closed trying to not make typing mistakes. If you’re trying to make sense of this or if you’re reading this at all don’t bother reading it with any degree of awareness or gaining some deep understanding. There is none. Don’t even bother clicking ‘like’. Why? I wish WordPress had at least five buttons to check.
I’m just passing through and noticed you might need a like, but I really am not reading your crap.
I click your like button just so you click my like button!! (fishing for likes)
Ya know, it’s no wonder us humans are so screwed up. We’re spinning on a world, we have a moon spinning around us, which is rotating around a sun with other very big rocks rotating around the same sun, which is in a galaxy with billions and billions of systems rotating and spinning around a black hole. We’re dizzy as shit. No wonder we can stand up at all. No wonder we’re all screwed up and can’t agree on any damn thing.
So…there ya go..383 words of useless drivel.